Positive Strides

I pictured it more than 20 years ago. Cruising down country roads with the top down & the wind wiping through my hair. Thinking back, I’m certain the music was too loud & likely there were friends hanging out each side of the vehicle, which I now understand is why this was vision, not reality over two decades ago. Parents seem like such buzzkills until you become one. But, I digress. That very specific visualization was a mental snapshot of a personal goal. I told myself many years ago that I would one day own a Jeep Wrangler. Unbeknownst to my sixteen year old self, that goal wouldn’t be attained until I was thirty-six!

I believe self-motivation is to blame for my inability to fathom a life without goals. I was born & bred to work hard & stay driven. I mean, really friends, if you don’t have some ambition residing inside of you, then you better go find some! And quick! Goal setting is the lifeblood to a successful life. However, I do understand we aren’t all created equal in regards to will power. We may not all be born goal oriented, but no one is born a nail biter or a smoker & those things become habitual don’t they? We become what we practice.

The Boston Marathon has been a carrot dangling in front of my Nikes for the past three years. Prior to running marathons, I had raced in every variety of road race starting in 2008 with relative success. However, I wanted more. Just as I envisioned myself using the hashtag #jeephairdontcare, I also pictured myself crossing that iconic blue & yellow finish line at Copley Square. With over ten years of competitive running in my favor & four marathons completed, that goal, God-willing, will be accomplished in April 2020.

Let’s back pedal for a minute & understand that these goals were once dreams. Dreams only become goals when you take the active steps to accomplish them. In order to fulfill these dreams, you have to vividly see them. If they are ever going to become reality, it’s important that you truly place yourself in that space & believe it to be worth pursuing. I’m going to go out on a limb & say many of you reading this have dreams or big goals that are somewhat unclear. They can’t be seen with absolute certainty because we have an idea of what our future should hold, but absolutely no clear path of guidance to the endpoint. I hear you. I do. Perfect example, I can tell you that I’ve pictured an older version of myself in a place of gratitude, sitting in a lounge chair atop wooden deck overlooking God’s country. When I envision it I wonder “Where am I?”, “How did I pay for this?” and “When are my fiends coming over to run?” and to be bluntly honest, I have NO idea how that journey plays out. But, what I do know is that faith & patience will guide the way. Becoming a Jeep owner & a Boston qualifier didn’t happen overnight. Those aspirations took time, money, and due diligence on my part. But, I stand before you declaring that it can be done.

Goals have no expiration date. Their value is always good regardless of when they came to be. Accomplishments take time, sometimes decades, but with the ambition for a life well lived, faith in God’s will, & patience, any goal is attainable. I think it’s wise to start picturing yourself in that dream. Then get specific. Hence the lounge chair & wooden deck I referenced earlier. Follow up with actively moving forward with intentional steps that will help you ultimately reach your goal.

There’s nothing to fear & no goal is “stupid” if there’s meaning attached. You want to exercise? Lace up and go after one lap in your neighborhood with a goal that at the end of the month you reach a mile. Get specific. You want to host a charitable event, start a business venture, journal, or just even drink more water everyday? Start actively planning now. Prove yourself. Be the example your kids need. Show your family that goals have a place in your home. So, here we go. Do me this favor, write down something you want to get after today. Even better, send me that one thing that you want for yourself & I’d be more than happy to be your cheerleader. But, don’t expect that success to be delivered via UPS with that Amazon Prime two day promise. Be patient. Be diligent. Be ambitious. After all, It’s a Goal Thing… and NOW You Understand. Stay awesome friends!

It’s made known by various authors that we are the average of the five people we spend most of our time with in life. That stat alone initiates the question, “Who AM I hanging out with on the regular?” I think if many of us are being honest it’s tough to name five people that don’t include our own children & the lady at the deli counter! Parenthood is a steady grind friends, I hear you! But, I believe this average idea is not exclusive to actual humans. In fact, it seems more appropriate to ask yourself “What is it that I consume on the regular?” That whole “you are what you eat” concept.

I wouldn’t go on the record as saying that just because someone is a part of our life we automatically inherit their tendencies. Rather, I’d point out that we ultimately determine our own course, however the presence of others is influential purposely or not. So, what are you consuming everyday? Is it support or criticism? Is it helpful or harmful? Are you being loved or torn down? Would you say you feel jealous or a sense of admiration? These are poignant questions to ask yourself in every aspect of your day. Runners following along, don’t you stop now, that running reference is just on the horizon.

I thought I’d drive the purpose of this post home with a snapshot of my daily consumption in hopes that those who are reading might benefit. While you read, compare & determine what serves you well & what’s just plain toxic. I’ve categorized that of which I’ve pictured below not by my connections, but in the way that these people or groups positively influence my life.

The Encourager

Everyday starts & ends with a text from Katie. Not your average “hey girl” text, but one of encouragement, humor, or motivation. She is my constant reminder to level up. The two of us couldn’t be more different in many ways, but it’s our aspiration for a life well-lived that keeps us synchronized. Katie is the type of person you need in your life because of her honesty, kindness, & gentle reminders that you are made for so much more so GET AFTER IT! If you don’t already have one, get yourself a Katie. Love ya sis!

The Partners in Stride

Most days I run early & alone. There’s a place for that solo work in every runner’s training. That being said, I find it most effective to have a healthy balance of individual runs & those done with partners. Although I’m the only female lacing up with these fellas, I know I’m with my people. These guys are supportive in the sense that my goals are their goals. Weekly invitations are sent to log miles, races are shared to keep goals ever present, & paces are pushed TOGETHER. I appreciate the accountability that lies within these friendships. If you’re a solo runner, I encourage you to find some friends that don’t mind spending a few hours together early Saturday mornings.

The Experienced

I love a good call to mom. Get Grammy on the line & now you’ve got the one, two punch of humor & wisdom. I have learned to truly appreciate the experiences shared between these role models. They know life. Both have survived highs, lows, & all that lies in between. I used to find myself calling on my mom & grandmother in times of reassurance, but as I’ve aged I’ve realized that what I truly value most when I listen to them is what actually matters in the grand scheme of things. The overreaching lesson that I have learned in following their footsteps is that the key to a GOOD LIFE is to be a GOOD PERSON. And if life doesn’t feel all that good, well then, “this too shall pass,” right, Grammy? Do yourself a favor, if you can, call your mom. Better yet, invite grandma over for dinner.

Mr. Clutch

It goes without say that I have an extremely supportive husband. We have four kids, three of which are multiples, coaching, teaching, & training on our plates regularly. We didn’t both qualify for Boston by being unsupportive spouses. Be there for one another! It’s a nonnegotiable if your goal is a healthy relationship. Darren’s has many endearing qualities, but I believe one of his most powerful assets is his response to pressure. Throw some defense & a little smack talk into the mix, & he will surely rise to any occasion. In my times of doubt, I look to Darren. When the pressure is on, I know backing down is not an option in his world. So in the late miles of a race or a difficult situation it’s Mr. Clutch I turn to for inspiration.

The Content

Sure, the people who are physically around me day in and day out play their part in the content in which I’m exposed. Keeping in mind, that no one of those people gets to determine whether or not it’s consumed. I have purposefully applied to ambassadorships such as RADrabbit for the effect of being showered with support by an already amazing running community. Through social media feeds we lift one another up as if we were childhood friends despite that fact that most of us have never met face to face. We are runners & dreamers, which speaks for itself. Gather with those who have like-minded goals.

Even the most intensely driven individuals need motivation. Good news, there’s an app for that! My phone sounds & watch buzzes at 9am with the delivery of a motivational message seven days a week. That simple whisper of positivity could be the breath of fresh air that’s needed to carry you through that day.

The real #1 best seller. That’s right, the Bible. Simultaneously with the motivational text, the good word is delivered directly to my palm. What better way to stay focused in faith than to intentionally serve it up with your morning meal. Rely on your religion.

Who you’re following can be more harmful than helpful. Choose to scroll through feeds & follow others who promote a positive response, not a negative one. For instance, if you feel jealous, irritated, or compelled to voice a complaint when pursuing the Internet, then do yourself a favor & unfollow. Seriously, that’s toxic & serves you no positive purpose. Choose to follow others who ignite a fire in you to be better. Join the journey of others who are relatable & real. Surround yourself in support while avoiding those who trigger negativity.

While I may be helpful to those who follow my running accomplishments, life as it plays out on social media, or authentic relationships in real time, I must say that my success is not achieved alone. There are many players in the game I call life, I love them all the same, but these influencers are The Real MVPs.

It’s no secret that life has highs and lows. None of us walking God’s green earth are immune to trials and tribulations. While this idea is known, it’s really never publicized. In fact, social media platforms tend to be our own personal highlight reel. I’m guilty of this in the sense that my posts are generally positive. However, if you’ve followed my running journey I have been open about injuries that have erased months of training. It’s soul crushing. Can I get an “amen” from my fellow athletes? Our passion is a part of our daily routine & when it’s taken away we feel lost.

In the last 10+ years of running I’ve paid my dues with blisters, rolled ankles, lost toenails, & sore muscles as I’d expect the majority of our community has experienced. But, none of these minor injuries compare to the setback of being sidelined completely. Regardless if you’ve been dealt a bad hand with an unforeseen injury, you’re getting back into shape postpartum, or you are just plain tired of being unhealthy, you’re at a new starting point. A fresh start, where comparisons should be cast to the waist side. Say what? Let me explain. Comparing yourself with your past, someone else’s middle, or your greatest hits is just detrimental in those moments. Don’t rob yourself of new found joy. Enjoy it. What is important to know is that with every setback there’s a comeback waiting to happen.

Allow me to elaborate in real time. This handsome devil pictured below is my husband Darren. He is also the proud owner of a BQ & PR with a marathon time of 2:59:29 acquired in March of this year (2019). The high!

Following this tremendous accomplishment Darren was delivered the news that he would need to have spinal surgery to correct a condition known as spinal stenosis & have his L3, 4, & 5 fused in the process. Talk about your peaks and valleys people!

I choose to tell Darren’s behind the scenes, one day, ESPN-worthy story because my two separate tibia stress fractures pale in comparison to what he endured this summer. Friends we are talking about some knock down, drag out days that followed this surgery. Nerve pain plagued each day leaving Darren feeling completely defeated. The low.

It was hard to watch & even harder for Darren to undergo as the patient. Crippling pain, fatigue, & no immediate end in sight, Darren was sure that he was facing his toughest season ever. To magnify the situation, I was in the midst of marathon training & just like when runners see anyone else running on a beautiful day, he was envious. Oh, you know I prayed. We all prayed. Each time the negative notions of regret or a future of complacency reared their ugly heads I challenged them with my most powerful assets. Faith & positivity. They won every time. You have to believe in your core that things will get better. I did. Darren would eventually follow. You have to choose on a daily basis whether you want to give in & let your situation control you, or if you’re going to show up ready for a new day’s opportunity. I purposely chose the word opportunity, because the fact of the matter is, if you’re waking up to a new day then you’ve been given a gift. An opportunity to show up. And that’s just what Darren did. With grueling steps, searing pain, & his motivation hanging in the balance, he took on each new day. Little did he know, he was writing the most important & initial chapters of his comeback story.

June, July, & August would go on to become the months that will forever hold a place in our minds following the surgery. There was no reason why Darren was given this ultimatum, but make no mistake, there’s was meaning. I explained to him one particularly tough day that when he finally looks back on the timeline of his life, this rough patch will be merely a blip in the span of his existence. From this time lessons were learned. Perspective was gained & the comeback continued unfolding.

Fast forward through the grit and grind of prescription changes, appointments, therapy, & impatience and here we are. With the green light given in early September, Darren has been slowly inching his way back to a place that we have coined “our minimum.” Five miles. Today, Darren & I went stride for stride on a five mile run for the first time early March. The miles were slow, meaningful, & celebrated. Lord knows the negative vibes tried to invade with thoughts of comparison, but we silenced each one with words of encouragement & positive energy. Folks, you have to reflect on your journey & realize that at one point you were praying just to have the chance to run again. Well, here it is, so celebrate each step of forward progress. Darren is registered for the 2020 Boston Marathon where we hope to take on the mother of all races as a power couple. His story is just getting started. Comebacks will ALWAYS be greater than setbacks. Stay driven.

Just before you take flight you’re given that well rehearsed warning about what to do in the event of an emergency. You know the one where they urge you to put your oxygen mask on BEFORE helping anyone else? There’s no better analogy when it comes to “me time.”

How can you expect to be a patient parent, understanding spouse, or pleasant coworker if you haven’t taken care of yourself first? Seriously, though?

Listen, each of us has value. As blessed as many of us are to be adorned with the title of mom or dad, we must be cognizant that we are the foundation of our family & self care is what keeps it from cracking under pressure. Without a doubt time stood still with the birth of each of my children & I vowed to be there for them unconditionally. However, MY life didn’t end in those moments, it changed. I still matter. You still matter.

Moving forward from that life altering time we will always need to believe that our goals are still relevant & attainable. You have goals, right?! Girl, you better! Few things are more invigorating than the sense of accomplishment. With that in mind, striving to be successful in life doesn’t stop just because you have children, it just means you have an audience now. Those tiny humans that you’re in charge of will be your biggest cheerleaders given the opportunity. So give them the opportunity!

As we age we realize that time is a precious commodity & wasting it seems so irresponsible. In order to have “me time” your schedule needs to be intentional. Let’s just go ahead and throw the word “someday” & the phrase “if there’s time” right out of our vernacular. They are code for “ain’t happening” my friend. The time is now! While we are at it, let’s put the phone down & give that scrolling thumb a rest. Now, really look at your day & decide when you are going to intentionally focus on you. Realize that with any change there will be resistance. That resistance may present itself in a variety of ways, but not be limited to an unsupportive spouse, child care, or a heavy workload. If you remember only one thing from this post, remember this: “me time” is not to be confused with selfishness. Don’t even go there. The world around you isn’t going to fall apart just because you decided to take some time for self care. That resistance you’ll meet, will give way with the idea that you will be making a positive change. That positive energy will be contagious. Go ahead, come close people. You might just catch some.

I’m able to be a positive influence for my family, friends, and coworkers because I’ve chosen to take care of me first and foremost. So, while others may cringe when the alarm sounds at 4am, I look forward to running straight into a brand new day because the Mornings are Mine!

I like to hit the ground running before the world wakes each day. As an avid & goal oriented runner, I use the early mornings to chase dreams. Following many sweat sessions I post to Instagram as of means of sharing my journey in the small square space I call my own. In doing so, I found myself sharing more than just a picture and witty caption with those who have chosen to follow. With each stride of an early workout, I began to find more purpose in my inner monologue. Being grounded in my faith, I recognize that some of the words that I share were purposefully delivered, while others are the ramblings of a motivated momma. Initially, I shared my running posts as an ambassador at the request of the brands I use daily. Later, I intentionally shared my thoughts as a means of inspiration & guidance. More recently, followers, family, and friends reached out and expressed their interest in the content I was sharing. There’s always been an inner desire to help others, but it never seemed quite as traditional as physically lending a hand. Instead I’ve reached a place where I realize that my words are the spark that’s initiating positive change. Fast forward to present day and a late night idea coming to fruition, I’ve made the conscious decision to initiate the Positive Strides blog to deliver my inner dialogue in hopes to inspire each reader to live their best, most purposeful life. So whether it’s the kick in the pants you need, gentle reminders to continue the good fight, or a giant shift in perspective, I hope that my journey helps guide yours. This process will undoubtedly position me just outside my comfort zone, but through laughter, lessons, motivation, & good vibes I’m choosing to just run with it.