Positive Strides

I recently finished Gretchen Rubin’s book titled The Happiness Project, where she includes a message from her ongoing podcast that really made me pause.

She had a decision to make and prior to choosing her direction she asked herself this one simple question – Which one is the bigger life?

Seems like an intense question that should be saved for a heavy decision, right? Not necessarily. In her case, she was contemplating getting a dog. See, the question of the bigger life isn’t so much about the “thing” in question, but rather how it will affect your life.

Choosing the bigger life is about going in a direction that leads to more. By proclaiming you want the bigger life, you are gaining experiences, opening doors of opportunity, and allowing yourself to grow through change.

In Gretchen’s situation, she saw a dog as a means to connect with the family while they were out and about with trips to the park. This was their way of inviting more love into their home. They would also change by adapting to its presence in a healthy way.

Decisions, like people, come in all shapes and sizes. None of us are the same, just as, none of our decision making fits all. What is the bigger life for you, may not be for someone else. It is in that space that compassion lives. Perspectives seem to have gotten so black and white. That “it’s got to be this way, because that way is wrong” mentality leaves no space for gray area. Let me tell you how simple this really is – Gretchen wants a dog to fulfill a bigger life. I don’t. Does that mean she’s right & and I’m wrong? Vis-versa? Nope. That’s HER bigger life. Mine is different and, news flash, that’s ok people. Each of us has legitimate reasons for the decisions we make. There needs to be no judgement in that process. Block out the noise of other opinions. Choose to consume the support of those who want what’s best for you. Because let’s face it, there will be times when NO ONE will understand how badly you want that bigger life. But, the ones that choose to support you in your endeavor, those are your people!

The question of a bigger life is effective with smaller decisions, but truly holds great value with those that have more weight. Those big decisions that ultimately rearrange life. The ones that excite and scare you all the same. The decisions that are tough to make but, transform into the biggest blessings. These decisions are made in faith not fear and ultimately provide peace.

The journey toward a bigger life may start with one small decision and lead to a larger scale consideration. Quite possibly that big decision needs to be made first and the others follow suit. Regardless, the path is walked in the direction of the bigger, better things.

Are you ready for the bigger life?

Launch time!

There’s dignity in the simple act of showing up. Showing up for something like work everyday doesn’t seem glamorous because it’s one small step in the routine that is your life, right? But yet we are honored and, at times, rewarded for years of service or perfect attendance. Looking forward at something like 35 years of service seems so daunting, but having the opportunity to look back on such an accomplishment makes one wonder how it was even possible?

As they often do, my morning miles brought real clarity to just how it is that we accomplish our goals without feeling so overwhelmed. My current training plan called for an 11 mile workout. I had a 2 mile warm up, 7 miles of surges, and 2 mile cool down. Bear with me non-runners, I promise to deliver the goodness of a Positive Strides post that you’ve come to know and love. I’m sure those seven miles of surges caught your eye friends, so here’s the deal. For those miles I surged in pace (got faster) for one minute and then settled back into my normal pace for two minutes. This plan was on repeat. On paper, this looks intimidating. Why? In that state, the entire goal lies ahead making it seem like it’s not easily attained. But, I have to tell you I loved the workout. And I’ll accept the “you would” response, but hear me out. I had only one goal in mind throughout that entire run. Focus on one minute at a time. Just one minute. I only concerned myself with the minute I was in and no other parts of that run mattered. This allowed me to show up over and over again. The simple act of showing up for the minute I was in made the workout breeze by and ultimately carried me through to my goal of eleven for the day.

This same perspective can be applied everywhere in life. You want better relationships? Want to know God? Looking to make fitness gains? Build your business? Feel more in control? Keep showing up! Show up one day, one minute, or one small step at a time.

I hate to break it down like this, but it needs to be said. We’ve come to know lives that expect immediate gratification. So, the notion of taking one day, minute, or step at a time may seem like everything is a long way off. I get it. You want it now. But, let me spit some truth. Any accomplishment that truly holds value is earned. I’m inspired by so many that carry this same philosophy. One in particular that resonates is Desi Linden. When asked how, Des, American winner of the 2018 Boston Marathon was able to defy the race odds and battle through mother nature’s wrath to break the tape as a champion she responded, “I just keep showing up.” She had run that distance and even that very same race for years prior to her win. She didn’t take that opportunity to plug her shoe endorsement, shout out to some fancy coaching practice, or rattle off a list of apps that provide quick tips. Instead, Des reminded us that we just need to show up and do our best!

Let’s face it, we don’t know what lies ahead. That’s why faith is so powerful. So, let’s stop peering over everything in the forefront to see what’s in the distance. Scale back and show up for each moment. I feel the question brewing… How?

Well…

Want better friendships? Show up one text at a time. Schedule that lunch date. Give support.

Want to connect with your spouse? Show up each day with a sign of affection. Write that lunchbox note. Hold tight to the religion of a goodbye kiss.

Want to know God? Show up in prayer. Show up in church. Sing your praise. Drop to your knees with your kids.

Want to make fitness gains? Show up for one exercise at a time. One rep. One minute. One mile.

Want to build your business? Show up and work. One email. One client. One task at a time.

We are all different yet the same. Each of us strolling this planet with different aspirations for what defines our best life. Our paths unlike another’s, yet, we can best arrive at success by taking it one step at a time. We get there by showing up.

The stories we tell ourselves frame everything that we do. It’s that inner monologue that’s running in your head 24/7 that guides decision making and shapes the way you live. Most often no one other than you has heard that personal novel, but those closest have seen our cliff notes.

I’m taking about the stories that start a little something like this…

Well, I can run, so…

I’ve always struggled with my weight…

I’m not easy to love…

I swear drama follows me…

Food and I don’t get along…

I’m not fit enough to exercise…

I know they don’t like me. I wasn’t invited….

I wish I was her…

I don’t have the right clothes. I can’t go…

It’s so easy for everyone else…

No one else understands…

Let me guess, at least one of those struck a nerve. Friends, these are the stories that SO many people are telling themselves day in and day out. If you do something that habitual it becomes automatic. It’s so engrained that you no longer have to actively decide to feel that way. It just happens. It becomes who you are. That is, until you decide to flip the script and rewrite your story. One that fits the life you want. A story that you don’t have to hide.

It starts with letting go. The above scenarios are real. You, your mom, neighbor, coworker, brother, college roommate, that famous celebrity, and your child may all be walking around with these stories on repeat. So it’s time to let go and let in. The lifestyles we all live have their own varying degrees of responsibility. What each of us can shoulder depends on that particular individual. However, I think we can all agree that we’d welcome the opportunity to clear something off our plate. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that negative story of yours, it needs to go. Chances are it’s been told for years, it’s really not that good, and like a song you’ve heard one too many times, it’s played out! Get rid of it. Literally. Throw that never-gonna-be-a best seller right in the trash!

Listen, if we are being honest, no one is in the market for a book that brings them down. And sweetheart, you’re not even enjoying it! So, write down what it is that perpetuates that story. Is it the words “I can’t?” How about that scale? Could it be social media? Is it an image? It may likely be a memory. Write down whatever it is that triggers that story and then promptly crumple that paper in your hand before slam dunking it right into the only place it belongs. The garbage can. BOOM! When we let go we allow space to let in.

With your old story taking up space in the trash, you’ve freed up space to replace it with something fresh. If you zoom out on the timeline of your life and scan its events, you’re more likely to see a clearer picture of the fact that your best days, months, and years are ahead of you. That’s right. They haven’t even happened yet. So why would we associate them with some played out story from the past. Meet each of those brand new days as if they are a blank page with sentences that sound more like this:

I can because I’ll try…

Weight is a number. I have value…

For others to love me, I first need to love myself…

I have a choice in drama…

Food is fuel…

Fit mind, fit body. Everyone’s can agree on wellness…

Love doesn’t live on a guest list…

Comparison is a the thief of joy. I’m meeting myself right where I am…

My personality is better looking than anything I could ever wear…

Everyone has their own story. I’m owning mine…

It’s in this new space where small changes occur. Where there are small changes, there are new habits born. New, healthy habits bring on transformation.

What are you waiting for? Toss out the old. Grab a pen. Write the new.

Let go. Let in!

Groundhog’s Day is always a day I greet with anticipation, knowing that furry little varmint might just surprise me with a promise to an early spring always sparks a little flame of excitement. Ahh yes, SPRING, my favorite season. I love the freshness of an awakening world and bidding farewell to a season Lysol and hand sanitizer. I try to see the good in all things, but this year’s warm winter turned our small community into what felt like a Petri dish and had me begging Punxsutawney Phil to stop the madness. No freeze? Then spring please!

It was the weekend of his big 2020 debut when the bittersweet news was delivered. An early spring was predicted and by the way, you have the flu! Ugh! “No big deal, I have time to sleep for four straight days!” – said No Mom Ever!

I felt it in my bones that this wasn’t one of those times where I could muscle through and I needed to succumb to call of rest. I often joke about knowing my strengths and weaknesses. The two weaknesses that I roast myself about the most about are cooking and rest. Neither are my strong suit. However, fever, chills, body aches, congestion, and a pounding headache had me facing one of my short comings head on.

I did indeed need the rest and I was extremely grateful to my husband for making it a possibility. But as they say, when it rains it pours. That same weekend our washer decided to take its last spin, our youngest daughter also contracted the flu late Sunday evening, our youngest son spiked a fever, we both ended up missing multiple days of school to accommodate doctor visits and prescription pick ups, there were t-ball signs up, a mandatory parent lacrosse meeting, our car battery freakishly died leaving the hubs stranded at the gas station, and, oh yeah, there were two other children to parent along the way. We’ve all been there, right? Sickness has the ability to throw your whole house out of order. But, not wishing illness on another family member, I think us moms stand solidarity when I say, pick anyone but ME! I mean, those book bags aren’t going to check themselves, am I right?! Plain and simple, we don’t have time to be down and out. Until it’s your only option…

Laying there not wanting to open my eyes or having any desire to even put pants on, I had the opportunity to think of this unlucky situation in a more positive light. That’s when it hit me. If I didn’t have the chaos of this day what would I have to be grateful for? I saw a clearer picture of my situation that put a profoundly positive spin on a rather negative idea.

I thought to myself, if I didn’t have a family to pray over, to guard from getting sick, or need to nurse back to health – I’d be lonely.

If I didn’t have a job to take off from then how would I provide?

If I didn’t have a washer to replace and a car to be serviced than what would I have worked so hard for?

If I didn’t have 22 unanswered texts and calls to respond to then who would be my support system?

I totally understand the idea that sometimes we’re dealt a crappy hand, but what I encourage you to focus on in these challenging moments is the piece that makes your struggle have value. Sickness is fleeting, injuries are temporary, storms are weathered, and when life throws you a curve you learn to swerve. It’s less than ideal to be in the throws of vomiting, fevers, and sleepless nights, but those moments pass. Try your best not elongate the process by calling attention to the negative side of things. Social media is great, but do you really want the task of responding to comments when you feel like death or are elbow deep in germs? Does it sound appealing to replaying the unflattering details and later relive it when Facebook reminds you where you were a year from now? I’m not here to tell you how to live, but that post isn’t doing anything but giving you work and it’s essentially an outcry for sympathy. You don’t need sympathy. You have a good, good life. Don’t you? Really think about it. Ask yourself if I didn’t have this problem right now, what would I be missing from the bigger picture. It’s a game changer. Suddenly four days in bed seems like a pretty awesome trade off to a life with no car, washer, or healthy family. Now, THAT’S a truth bomb!

One cannot be stressed and grateful at the same time. It’s impossible. A true life of gratitude doesn’t just lie in thinking about or jotting down a few moments that made you feel better each day. Genuine gratitude lives within you and can only be seen when you actively choose to look for it. Listen, a positive life has to be worked for. But when you work to make it a part of your day it transitions into a healthy, sustainable habit. One that becomes second nature and no longer feels like just another “thing” you have to do.

I write this almost fully recovered from my bout of the flu and need you to hear this: I did all the things. All the things we are told to do. I got a flu shot, I drank the elderberry, I Lysoled the house, I scrubbed my hands, I have hand sanitizer stashed everywhere, I wiped down the classroom, and guess what? I still got sick. We can try to prevent the bad stuff all we want, but those obstacles and challenges are inevitable. Instead of wallowing in the sorrows of the moment, turn your face into the light of the situation. While I was sick, I got to snuggle with my babies who were also not feeling well. I got to catch up on sleep and I got to see my husband take the day by the horns. I got strings of texts and calls from friends and family who offered anything from soup to washing my delicates. I got get well cards. But most importantly, I received this message. I literally sat up late one night, grabbed my phone, and took note. I wrote down the blessings I saw in this madness. People often ask, when do you write these blogs or how do you think of your ideas. I typically respond that the words are given to me and most often mid-stride. But, there’s no doubt that God made a bedside call for this post and I knew it must be shared.

We naturally react more strongly to the negative, and yes it takes a little work to remain on the up and up, but it’s so worth it. You’re worth it. Have an attitude of gratitude. Seek the positive. Be mindful that no amount of disinfectant can wipe away the layer of good that that lies just beneath the germs.

Few people are as carefree as a teacher in June. School’s out, the pool is open, you have no idea what day of the week it is, and having the opportunity to go to the bathroom whenever you please feels like you’ve hit the self-care lottery. Summertime presents opportunity. Day trips, cool pops after literally any outdoor activity, mid-week bevys, and no real concern for a strict bedtime all top the list. But, the opportunity for mid-day appointments, tackling unfinished tasks, and giving attention to delayed medical procedures often occupy summertime space as well.

June was anticipated for all new reasons this past summer. My husband, Darren, was told he needed to have surgery to correct spondylolisthesis; a spinal disorder in which a bone (vertebra) slips forward onto the bone below it. He was experiencing intense nerve pain coupled with sleepless nights, so June, July, and August presented him with the opportunity to remedy his ailments instead of perfecting his cannonball. Not to bore you with the most intimate details, I will summarize this story by declaring it to be a challenging season for our family in an attempt to improve his quality of life.

Darren and I function as a team and we tackle everyday seemingly as a well-oiled machine. But allow me to press pause to say, we are by no means perfect and know that at any moment we too can, and do, fall victim to the s#%*show that a family of six encounters without warning. A spinal fusion meant our dynamic duo would give way to the single parent lifestyle and I was at peace with that reality because my desire to have my favorite person back, far outweighed a stint of solo parenting. Or having to cook for that matter!

It was a tough season. No need to sugar coat. Due to excruciating pain from nerve awakening, the post op period was trying on all levels. As a co-leader of my household I knew it was time to take the reigns. Conveniently, I had been reading a few books that highlighted positive thinking, hard work, kindness, motivation, and inspired empowering affirmations. Perfect, right? Just by osmosis this literature would change the course of each day, wouldn’t it? Ummm, no. They help, but that’s not how true transformation works. There must be action. Sustainable habits must be formed.

Moving forward, I developed the awareness that Darren wasn’t the only one going through a period of growth and change. It was then that my day to day became more intentional and for good reason too. One key truth is that what we do daily holds way more value than what we do once in a while.

Having one person limited to the most basic of tasks, it would have been easy to become overwhelmed with the perpetual “to do” list. Making a list that outlined everything I had to do to keep our world afloat seemed daunting and counterproductive. Instead, a new affirmation was born. The I AM statement. I didn’t want to stare down the barrel of a full day, but rather highlight and celebrate a results list. It’s important to mention to my goal digger friends, that a wish list is just a fancy name for a to do list. Without intention or action, it never becomes a plan. So, I bought a simple, glass dry erase board and mounted it on the wall beside my bed. It would be my vision board.

I let my creativity wander when I doodled the words grateful, thankful, and blessed at the top of my vision board. Even in the toughest of moments those words speak the truth. The words I AM, written purposefully in all caps acted as a subheading to that of which I aimed to be. Many statements have owned space on that board since June. Some more easily attained than others, but all as equally important as the next.

I AM faithful to God.

I AM an understanding mom.

I AM an exceptional wife.

I AM a friend who levels up.

I AM a very hard worker.

I AM extremely patient.

I AM a Boston marathoner.

I AM a daily difference maker.

I AM the driver of my own bus.

I AM a believer in my own dreams.

The fabulous Rachel Hollis was the true inspiration for the specific adjectives used in these statements. Her theory? Simply put, if we say I AM a good mom or I AM patient, that’s far too vague and easily reached. In order to challenge ourselves we must be stretched.

I woke to these affirmations. I read them. I practiced them. I posted about them. I journaled about them. And now, I LIVE them. There’s no secret in getting from point A to point B when we’re talking about reaching a goal. It takes diligent practice. And speaking honestly people, like Babe Ruth, I called my shot and intentionally put it on the Internet for all to see through a lens of inspiration, so the stubbornness in me wouldn’t accept failure.

Our summer was redefined. I trained harder than I ever had, finding more strength and purpose in each mile, while preparing to Boston qualify. Why?

I AM a Boston marathoner.

I let all of the voices in our family be heard. If I aspired to be extremely patient and understanding then I needed to set the tone. I knew if I took the time to recognize other’s feelings they would ultimately follow suit. And they did. My children, fight as they may, also know how to resolve conflict. If I wanted that then I should model it. I valued an even-keeled home. A place where tension wasn’t invited. How did it become real?

I AM extremely patient.

My husband was at a low point. The last thing a person actively breathing through fiery nerve pain needs is someone’s guilt trip or snarky tone. That’s just selfish. This guy just threw down a sub-three hour marathon three short months before surgery and now needs help rolling in and out of bed. It’s not the time to keep score. In fact, here’s another life hack – never keep score in marriage. It benefits no one. As much as I dreaded seeing Darren face another day in pain, I knew the new dawn was an opportunity to practice being an exceptional wife. I made sure I complimented him, pointed out the positives, and refocused his gaze on the silver lining daily. It worked and still does. He too became a believer in his own success. In fact, he’s in his 4th week of training for Boston 2020. Nothing shuts out doubt and screams inspiration like the transition from fetal position to a 17 mile long run within a 7 month span. BOOM! How’d he get there? Hard work and support from those who matter most.

I AM an exceptional wife.

I could ramble on about how each of these intentional affirmations worked wonders with friendships, faith, and life’s fun, but the bottom line is that if I truly lived in that belief it would become reality. As I stretched and grew so did my family. While it was unclear why God chose this situation, his intentions are now very evident to me. He was working through Darren, but sought to change each of us in our own way. We are all better now having experienced this tough season. It was life changing.

The I AM statement acts as my anchor. It is literally always with me, inked on my wrist to remind me that it isn’t what we do once in awhile that matters, but what we do daily that makes a difference.

The I AM statements make me who I AM.

Written by: Alyson Groft

The other day I discovered that a friend had signed up for her first marathon, which just so happened to be the very same race where I debuted in the marathon distance. Without much thought, I sent her a message of approval and promised, come race day, that I’d be on the sidelines cheering her through one of the toughest physical feats we humans elect to attempt. I was thrilled for her and thank goodness my excitement spoke louder than the fear.

Yes. Fear.

All of the emotions of that first time came rushing back. And before I go on, settle down Fifty Shades fans, I’m not referring to THAT first time. You know my grandma reads this, right? However, even she could agree here that THAT too takes some real, first time courage.

The emotion I’m referencing is that knotted stomach, tight chest, tears welling, second guessing kind of fear. It’s the feeling you have just before you step into the unknown. We love comfort. It keeps us safe. We desire belonging. It shows us love. But we also admire adventure. It makes us feel alive. So how can we have both? How can we feel safe, yet quench our thirst for something more? It takes a tall glass of courage.

Reflecting on that friend’s decision to toe the line brings clarity to why I was so excited for her. I know she can run the miles. I’m certain. I know she will finish what she started. It’s a fact. What lit my spirit was her courage to try. That sh#t is scary. Pardon me. I love me some Jesus, but I cuss a little bit. In all seriousness, I look at what she’s about to train for and embark on with true admiration. Yep, I’ve been there, done that many times over, but that’s exactly why I want to be her biggest cheerleader. Her courage to purposely place herself at the corner of uncomfortable and a breakthrough is inspiring.

The truth is she’s going to face cold, early mornings, dark workouts, sore muscles, solo trips on the struggle bus, and social life sacrifices. But, she will also triumph a member of an elite group who can conquer 26.2. She will proudly cross off a bucket list item and serve as motivation for onlookers. However, the most incredible honor she will carry on has yet to be mentioned. In choosing a goal, committing to the plan, and being consistent in her pursuit, she bears the honor of keeping a promise. She will forever know that she kept a promise she made to herself. That’s the gift that keeps on giving.

You know, people look at each other with a comparative lens day in and day out, analyzing what makes one person better than the other. Drives me crazy! My rebuttal? Comparison is the thief of joy. First & foremost, we have no idea what it’s like on their side of the fence. Think about it. What makes one person’s marathon workout different than someone else’s walk? Both require decision making, effort, and execution, right? For me it boils down to having the courage to try. The courage to set an expectation and reach for it, fail or fly.

I recently received a card that drove this point home through inadvertent criticism. In the message I was described as “intimidating” and as you might imagine I was taken aback by the notion. Me? I’m outgoing. I preach kindness. I wrap myself in positivity like a fashionable winter scarf. This can’t be how people perceive me. Can it? Eventually, with the proper processing time, I was able to see it. The lesson written between the lines. What comes naturally or “easy” for some seems insurmountable for others. Therefore, someone who’s confident seems intimidating, while others who are introverted are perceived as weak. At times we fail to see the courage in others. That courage comes in so many forms…

The courage to talk in a meeting.

The courage to join a gym.

The courage to go on a date.

The courage say no.

The courage to wear that bathing suit.

The courage not to have a drink.

The courage to be a parent.

The courage to wake up and workout.

The courage to engage in conversation.

The courage to tackle a marathon.

The courage to change hair color.

The courage to use a babysitter.

The courage to ask for help.

The courage to admit wrong doing.

The courage to walk away.

The courage to be make up free.

The courage to take that leap of faith.

The courage to tell others how you feel.

The courage to just be yourself.

It’s all very real courage. In order to appreciate one another completely we have to consider the amount of courage needed just to take that first step into the unknown. Conversely, if you’re not tapping into your source of courage, you better start sis. Yeah you! I mean, I’m not trying to point fingers, but I’m calling you out. Do yourself a favor and make things uncomfortable. That thing you’ve been wanting to do? Do it. I want you to make a promise to yourself, TODAY, and keep it.

Wake up.

Sign up.

Say yes.

Follow your heart.

Take action.

Prove yourself.

Make today the day you show some first time courage.

Every year we send out Christmas cards. This year I felt like I was behind the ball in getting our photo taken, so my dear brother-in-law snapped off 75 different shots of our family on their farmland in approximately 4 minutes time to ensure at least one picture was refrigerator worthy. God Bless him. A quick download, template choice, and charge to the credit card and the holiday goodness would be delivered within the week. Perfect. Until it wasn’t…

Our order was delayed and took over two weeks to arrive. My list of mailing labels from the previous year was lost in some black hole of our MacBook and I had to reach out to various friends to request their addresses. There went the element of holiday surprise! Eventually one of my little guys came running in the house just days before the big day toting the box of cards that had finally arrived. Ahhh, relief. Until we, yes WE, (my husband is a saint) sat stuffing the 140 joyful greeting cards on a school night at 9:30pm with an early alarm the next morning. Now Darren, my husband, is always the voice of reason, especially when it comes to money. Ladies, I see you nodding in solidarity. So, you know where I’m going with this… he pointed out the cost. And, as much as it pains me to agree, he was right. Sweet baby Jesus those cards ARE expensive! Couple the cards with the roll of stamps & it makes sense why so many people post a family photo to Facebook on Christmas Eve with a note of holiday cheer and call it a wrap!

All of this got me thinking. Who am I sending these cards for? Am I sending them for me? Or am I sending them for the world?

I mean the world has SO much to say about what we should do and what’s expected, right? We have to follow the rules. We are expected to play the game. Aren’t we? No sarcasm there, I promise. #lies

Truth is, I do believe the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year… when you eliminate the expectations of the world. On December 26th, I swear you can hear the collective sigh of relief that moms all over the nation let out after holding their breath since Thanksgiving. Sorry dads. You’re just as shocked as the kids and in-laws as the torn paper reveals the Christmas merriment. But we do love ya!

Here’s the deal though friends, if our family Christmas cards are embossed with words like joy, peace, and well wishes of happiness, shouldn’t we believe them? Cards aside, this holiday season was our best yet. There was joy. There was peace. There was happiness. You know what was missing this year in comparison to years past? Stress. Our lights went up later than normal and yet hung at the perfect time. Our tree was decorated by our children and not reorganized. Beauty is in the eye of the tiny beholders. We bought less, but gave so much more in the way of time, love, and support this season. Church was a priority not an option. After all believers, are we celebrating Santa or Jesus?

Reflecting on the holiday allowed me to clearly see the difference this year. We didn’t play the game by the world’s rules and it was heavenly. Go ahead and write this next gem down somewhere friends. In life, are all playing a game and winning. Meaning, if we make the decision to follow our own rules and pursue our own happiness then we will and we will do it well. But, if we choose to commit to the rules of the world and the stress that it brings, we will decidedly be playing a totally different game. And winning.

It’s the world that needs fancy cards. It’s the world that needs an entire room of gifts. It’s the world that needs people to wear labels to be acknowledged. It’s the world that needs you to have a title to be qualified. It’s the world that says what’s normal in a sea of diversity. We base our acceptance on the world’s terms. It’s the world that tells us followers equates to love. It’s the world that dictates our relationship with the scale. And so on. We are strong armed into believing that we HAVE to play the world’s games.

But, if you’re writing your own story, or rules for that matter, why in the WORLD would you let anyone else hold the pen?

If you can’t find happiness where you are right now, no jean size, new job, or life change will offer it either. And Christmas cards are no different.

Let me make this clear. Happiness is where YOU are.

You’re in control of your own joy. You’re the maker of decisions. You’re the one who gets to choose your commitments. You’re the MVP of the game you’re playing. So, which game will it be? Yours or the world’s?

Happiness is a byproduct of accepting yourself just as you are. I mean really accepting yourself. The you covered in new wrinkles, stray grays, and imperfection. Accept the you that carries some extra pounds. The you that doesn’t love every aspect of parenthood. Gasp! The you that gets impatient. The you that needs more prayer and less gossip. The you that has unfulfilled goals. The you that wants to stay home when the social calendar is full. That YOU makes YOU who YOU are! Say that five times fast. Love that you and conveniently pounds are lost with more ease, parenting doesn’t seem so daunting, patience is more abundant, prayers are answered, goals are smashed, and true friends understand.

Want to take action toward happiness? Today, right now, think about the five things that are a priority to you and your happiness. Write them down. Seriously, put pen to paper and make it real. Then post it somewhere to recenter when you feel like you’re playing the world’s game. Understand the value in saying NO. Live in a schedule that supports your YES.

Feeing ok where you are? Great. Continue to make your happiness a priority. Keep a firm grasp on that pen.

It stands to be seen whether or not our family will send a Christmas card next year, but rest assured the decision will be made on our terms, not the world’s. I encourage you to take the next few days, months, and year to write your own rules. Follow them and you’ll find what you’re looking for in 2020. And wherever you end up is where you’ll be.

Stand in your own truth. Happiness is where YOU are.

The coming of a new year often brings closure to the memories that comprised the last 365 days and gives promise of opportunity during your next trip around the sun. It seems like the world needs us to briefly reflect then move on to what’s better and brighter. However, this time of reflection tends to be when we see life more clearly. Take advantage, after all, hindsight is 20/20, right?

My wandering mind recently settled on this idea during a solo, early morning run. I typically use those miles to reflect & dream simultaneously. Shoutout to all my goaldiggers! This particular day focused on reflection. Looking back on the past year triggered a sense of achievement that I was happy to revisit. It was as if Facebook delivered one of their slide flipping clips commemorating the highlights of 2019 & I was all in.

The interesting part of playing out the past came when I realized that many of my most notable accomplishments derived from advice I didn’t take.

Get this…

A family friend had once tried to convince me, as a seventh grader, not to play field hockey. She told me that I wouldn’t care for the running part. HA! Joke’s on you sis. This girl now runs marathons for fun. And good Lord, if the memory of this unsolicited advice hitting me while pounding the pavement twenty years later wasn’t ironic enough, the fact that my iconic & highly sought after Boston Marathon Celebration jacket being delivered to my doorstep that very day, certainly was. Had I listened to the advise I was given in my youth, I would not have the esteemed pleasure to join the mere 12% of marathoners that advance to the Super Bowl of the running world.

But honestly though, some of my best decisions have come from advice I just didn’t take.

Let me spit some facts at you…

I was advised to consider multifetal pregnancy reduction in the first trimester of carrying our triplets. In layman’s terms, the doctors were suggesting I reduce the number of babies I was carrying. Uh, do what now? Yeah, umm, no thanks. I recall interrupting the doctors to say, “I can’t even imagine it.” Those words are only more amplified now having a total of four thriving children rule my world each day. Needless to say, that’s some advice I’m glad I didn’t take.

Small town, high school rivalry is to blame for friends advising me not to hang out with the enemies on the other side of the basketball court. I’m now happily married to one of them. And he cooks, so how do ya like me now?

An ignored opinion lead me to my absolute best friend. Seriously guys, what fun is life without a sidekick? I wouldn’t have “my person” if I didn’t follow my heart when I had the choice to buy into someone else’s perception or create my own.

I’m certain that life would be different had I bought into the opinions of others. But, other people’s opinions are just that. They are merely suggestions that we can hold parallel to the word of God or toss over our shoulder like spilled salt.

2019 was hands down one, if not, THE best year of my life. Why?

Well first, let me tell you what it wasn’t. It wasn’t a year of self-doubt or complacency. It wasn’t a time of comfort. It certainly wasn’t always easy. So, why title it the best?

I made the decision to live life on my terms. Good, kind, positive, faithful, and fulfilling terms. The past year is riddled with choices that went against everything the world told me was right, but I knew didn’t suit. Instead of placing faith in people, I put it in God. I walked away from the naysayers and embraced the supportive. I stopped jumping through hoops and began creating my own path. I led and encouraged others to follow. I wrote, they read. I was present, not stressed. I chose to surrender gracefully in times of uncertainty instead of fighting back impulsively by default. I pushed through limitations and proved boundaries are only imagined. I dreamed and created. Basically, I truly lived!

As a result of following my heart instead of other’s opinions, I find myself in a place of authenticity. My marriage has never been stronger and more true. The friendships I have are more genuine. Laughter follows me and new people walk into my life daily. My family never has to wonder how I feel about them. Those feelings are expressed regularly. My dreams are becoming realities. My goals are growing as my vision widens. My community stands united. And you know what? I want every single bit of that for you as well.

This last spin around the sun has made it ever so obvious that my best life is one lived helping others reach theirs. So, if I can give you one resolution that I hope you carry into the newest decade, it’s to filter advice and follow your heart. Live life according to you and know that your greatest years await. Some of your best decisions are going to come from the advice you didn’t take.

It’s said that you should do things that excite you and scare you all the same. Sounds like a huge leap of faith, an adventurous act, or a giant move, right? What if we added one small thing to that list – a conversation.

Our words hold an incredible amount of power. They have the ability to lift others to the highest peaks, level them at ground zero, or push them into the lowest valleys.

Our words can be eloquent. They can be boastful. Words can be humbling. They can be supportive or destructive. Our words can be purposeful. And they can be inadvertent. What we say can be sweet and thoughtful. At other times, our words can seem rude or pretentious. Simply put, the words we use are powerful.

The conversations we have may be deliberate or accidental, but they all have one thing in common. They have the ability to last a lifetime. A lifetime, friends.

Sure we are inundated with everyday conversations where the words scoot in one ear then seemingly stumble right out of the other, essentially serving no purpose. However, it should be recognized that whether an interaction holds a whole lot of weight or not, really has little to do with it’s lasting effect.

Let’s keep it real, sometimes we read into a person’s tone, body language, or actual words with too much sensitivity. Meaning we take something innocently said and twist it into a memory that never seems to fade. Guaranteed you can recall a conversation from middle school that you just haven’t parted with to this date.

Case and point. I can remember the color of the lockers, hallway, and the time of day when a middle school friend told me I looked like a dog with poodle hair. Say what now? In the words of the great Stephanie Tanner, “How rude!” Now why in the world would I feel the need to carry that around any longer than the five seconds it took to say it aloud? People pay big bucks for that natural curl and I’m walking around trying to down play a gift because of what someone said over twenty years ago. The reality of it is, I bet the girl who said it never thought twice about her words after that statement passed her lips. So, the time has come to bid those words a final farewell. We have to learn to let go. It’s good to let it go. Really.

While we may hold on to things way longer than we should, some words are totally worth the embrace. I mean, is it just me or have you ever written out a card to a loved one or best friend that would have put any academic paper you were assigned to shame? You put pen to paper and just knocked that heartfelt message right out of the park. Some real eat your heart out Hallmark kind of stuff. Oh, I love that! Please tell me you’ve sent someone a note just because. If you haven’t, then you need to hit up the stationary section this weekend and get yourself some blank cards. You can’t get anymore feel good than that guys. Just think about the impact that card that took you three minutes to write might have on someone’s entire life.

Now, those words that built you up. Let’s marinate on them for a minute. Why were they so impactful? What makes them stick? Was it who said it that matters or perhaps what they said?

Let’s try something here. I want you to think of something someone said that stuck with you this week. It’s just lingering. Now how about last year? Ramp it up and think about a special occasion. Better yet, let’s throw it back to childhood. Why do those words resonate? Did they put you down or did they build you up? You have to know, the optimist in me is rooting for the latter. If the words you’re replaying have a negative vibe and are renting space within your walls, it’s time tape up an eviction notice. Like a gnat at a barbecue, they have to go. Learn and move on. Create space for words of encouragement and kick doubt to the curb. Help inspiration move in and tell criticism to beat it. Make way for positivity while those negative vibes take a hike. Seriously Elsa. Let it go. Sorry. I was on a roll…

By giving those negative words mentioned earlier the boot and illuminating that vacancy sign, we allow ourselves to be refilled with words that resonate with meaning. This space welcomes words that make us laugh. It invites words of support to reside in our minds and fuel our hearts. Don’t you want to be the person that passed some of this goodness around?

I do. You can bet your paycheck on that.

Not only should we use our words to lift up others, but we’ve also got to be willing to accept them. If we make like Serena Williams and backhand every compliment or encouraging comment served up in our favor with unwillingness then we won’t ever believe those shared words are true. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in gaining confidence, it’s accepting the compliment. It’s yours sweetheart, take it!

How you choose to use the power of your spoken or written word is entirely up to you. But given the choice to say something that could potentially impact a life, I hope you choose wisely.

I’ll leave you with this: The other day I had a conversation with a long time family friend. He stopped me to explain that he’s been following along on social media and that he’d prefer to tell me in person rather than comment that he sees the value in my posts. For me, this was enough to hear to make a difference. But, it was his follow up sentence that will forever be remembered. He told me as a father he hopes his girls grow up to be like me. Like, for real. Trust me, I was skeptical too. I even asked if he felt ok. He was as genuine as it gets. I took that minute to feel proud. And guess what? That poodle dog comment I told you about earlier no longer holds space in my head. You can be sure his words took their place. Words matter.

Start today, using words that onset laughter. Use words that inspire, empower, and motivate. Use words of thanks and gratitude. Apologize. Use words that mend. Have conversations that resonate for years to come in a positive way. Write cards that warm hearts. Knowing their impact, use words that excite you and change others.

Use the positive power of words.

Buried inside of each of us are the reasons for our choices. They drive our decision making, yet many of us don’t know what they are. Often our health plays a part in that decision making.

You buy a gym membership the first of the year. Why?

You want to be skinny. Why?

You yo-yo diet. Why?

The same get fit resolution ends up on your list each year. Why?

There’s a constant comparison loop playing when you talk about the scale or jean size. Why?

We have these visions of what should be for ourselves without giving their underlying reasons real thought.

True story kids – As do most young brides, I set a goal to look my best for our wedding in 2008. I starting running more & eating less. Trust me, I realize how dumb that plan sounds…NOW. I weighed in at 123lbs just before we wed in St. Thomas. I’m 5’8.” What kind of runway model did I think I needed to be? But girl, I looked good! That’s all that matters right? WRONG!

Looking back, that weight was so hard to maintain. Hmmm, I wonder why? Insert sarcastic smirk. I ran the miles, I cut the calories, I met my weight goal, but something was missing. At the time, I thought I needed to look good to feel good. I mean all eyes are on the bride right? The reality of it is that I had everything backwards. To look good, we first need to feel good. The only way to find yourself in that feel good space is to uncover your why?

Thinking about what I do now helps me realize that having goals is important, but we aren’t truly successful unless we identify why we are driven to make change. I couldn’t possibly achieve what I do today as that rail thin version of myself. At that state I couldn’t birth four babies. That body wouldn’t allow me to train for marathons. And while I used to wear that scale number as a badge of honor, I realize that I’m a better version of myself now at 145lbs than I was then. Yep. Just told ya my weight. I’m totally ok with it too. It’s literally just a number. And if we’re being honest, no one cares about your number. They don’t. People care about how you feel. So there’s that.

Oh the conversations I’d have with the younger version of myself. I think most of us can agree we were kind of clueless back in the day? Just me? Ok, well I’m cool with admitting it. I had very superficial reasons for wanting to cut the weight and I understand that now. Reflecting makes it easier to see my why more clearly. Deep down I wanted others to admire what I accomplished. My body was my billboard. Unfortunately, it was false advertisement. The six pack came with hunger. The thin legs couldn’t carry me to the PRs I have today. The size four dress perfectly matched a purse full of stress to maintain that physique. It was unrealistic.

So if my real why was to give others something to admire, motivate, & inspire, then was being pencil thin the way to attain that goal? Ironically that’s a big, fat, NOPE.

Perhaps that twenty-something bride should have used the pencil to write a blog. Ha! See what I did there?

Guys, if you’re still reading this you obviously have a why. It’s within you. If reoccurring health struggles resonated with you, then ask why they are so important. Why do they matter & resurface in your life?

When you ask yourself things like: Why do I want to look hot this summer? Why do I want that jean size? Why do I want to be on that diet? Think about the why underneath the why.

Do you want a hot girl summer bod so the hubs pays more attention? Sis it may not be a workout, but possibly date night you’re after. Kill two birds with one stone and workout together. I realize a mother of four just told you that & you’re thinking “yeah, ok!” But, very often our dates involve running & then dinner while the kids have time with their grandparents. Everyone wins.

Hung up on that jean size? News flash! No two pairs are alike. That’s a battle that will never be won. I own various sizes. Go by fit. Forget the number and grab the pair that makes you feel good. Remember, feel good – look good.

Another diet huh? Let’s start with why you want to be on a diet? Now, why didn’t the last one work? Maybe your relationship with food is standing in the way of your why. Know this, your relationship with food is the longest one you’ll ever have. Longer than any person. It should be healthy or it will never last & neither will your diet.

So let’s fix this. Ask your why? Or call me & I will. Write your response down. Post it somewhere visible. Look at it everyday. Make a simple plan. Attack one step at a time. Baby steps still move you forward.

If you’re looking to make a sustainable change, you have to start with WHY?